Suatu Titik Dimana Kamu Akan Berada Di Atasnya

karena pada suatu titik, kamu lelah mencari tahu apa yang dia lakukan.

kamu lelah bertanya-tanya tentang kehidupannya yang sekarang,

kamu lelah berekspektasi,

kamu lelah menceritakan hal ini pada semua orang.

pada suatu saat yang kamu inginkan bukan mencari pengganti dirinya, tetapi mencari kedamaian

pada suatu saat, kamu akan membiarkan dia yang telah meninggalkanmu bermain dengan hidupnya

karena pada satu titik tersebut kamu sadar kamu harus menghadapi dunia yang lebih dewasa, dan tidak punya waktu bermain-main seperti dia.

pada suatu titik kamu tidak lagi merasa bodoh karena masih memikirkannya, atau menyimpan kenangan bersamanya

karena kamu lelah menyalahkan dirimu sendiri dan sadar bukan berarti kamu tidak bisa melupakannya

pada saat itu kamu sadar dia memang tidak dapat dilupakan selama otakmu bekerja, dan kamu menerimanya karena kamu yakin waktu yang akan membantumu terbiasa

pada satu titik kamu akan membatasi koneksimu dengannya untuk melindungi hatimu yang berharga,

dan pada waktu itu tiba kamu pun membatasi hatimu hanya untuk orang yang benar-benar menginginkannya.

karena pada suatu titik kamu sadar dan percaya, kamu tidak akan dibiarkan terlena dalam keadaan ini olehNya.


There Is A Word For That: An Answer of My Question Lately

“Actually, there is a word for that. It’s love. I’m in love with her, okay? If you’re looking for the word that means caring about someone beyond all rationality and wanting them to have everything they want no matter how much it destroys you, it’s love. And when you love someone you just, you…you don’t stop, ever. Even when people roll their eyes, and call you crazy. Even then. Especially then. You just– you don’t give up. Because if I could just give up…if I could just, you know, take the whole world’s advice and– and move on and find someone else, that wouldn’t be love. That would be… that would be some other disposable thing that is not worth fighting for. But I– that is not what this is.”

Ted Mosby, How I Met Your Mother


imagecan you believe there’s someone out there who has a wish that exactly the same with me?????????!!!!!

God really never leaves you alone. At least, you will never walk alone here. God has created our company. You’re not alone.


My Farewell

one of my buddy stated a quote when I talk to him tonight. he said, “if he really wants you, he would make an effort for you. no matter what his parents might say.”

since it was a boy’s thought, I probably should start to believe, and say goodbye to the memories I had.

so, goodbye. I never expected you became like this. I should’ve never trust us from the very first beginning. I should’ve never give you a chance.

I probably should’ve never give you all of me. all of my love.


Bubbling, Because I Have No Media Social To Share

Great things happen in a week. I was recruited as one of the contributor for health and nutrition’s web, I knew great and awesome people who inspire me, and for no doubt I gain some new dreams for my future career and education. Things I always want to do.
But the thing about it, is that I can’t just write what I want (especially in twitter and instagram) because we follow each other. Haha. I know it sounds silly but it annoys me every time my ‘galau’ time comes. So I choose to write in my lovely old blog because I know nobody reads it (except some people who confessed to me because literally they want to know about my lately woe love life). And I know they’re not subscribe my blog so it might be just a silly coincidence. My stats is moving everyday but I know they’re just strangers so yeah… ok, I’ll just start to write something.
It’s been, hmmmm, 3 months? Lot of things come and go, I’m busy restructuring my plan for my future while the sad and miserable feeling come every time I close my eyes, or every time I watch that stupid romantic drama (I start to hate that creepy genre since I broke up), or every time I listen to a couple songs (especially that random song I listen in shuffle mode and DOES have a special memory with the sweet past), or every time I Pray (means it takes 5+1 times a day to remember again and again EVERY single day), or every time I took so long for a bath (that’s why I hate it), or other little things that took almost 80% of my 24 hours per day. I feel like I have to take a deep breath and say to my brain to stop rewind his face or I’ll kill it, but since I have no right to kill my own brain, I know it won’t stop. The other side of my brain works very well, I got a job (finally) like I said before as a writer (even tho it’s not officially announced and paid yet–thing I need the most).
So what am I trying to say? I just want to…. I want to reconnect me and him. I want to talk to him about life like we used to do. I want to share thoughts. I want to know what is he been up to. I want to be his partner in crime and the first person to know when he’s in a trouble. In a summary, I might miss him.
There are times when I search his name on my contact list and think to start a conversation. But, hell, for the 29876543 times my brain and my heart can’t ever stop to fight. And this kind of thought, like, “Why doesn’t he text or even call you first? You want to be this stupid?” and I always answer with a laugh, “Yeah love is the stupidest thing I’ve ever feel, bro.” always pop up above my head. Dude I can’t even decide what’s the right thing to do. I feel weak and miserable, yes, because somehow I…. I was and still disappointed. But I can’t bear the other side of my heart that still care for him. And I’m lost, I don’t know what’s on his mind. I don’t know whether he feels the same or does he already change. I don’t know if he’s still the same person I’ve known for these 2 years. I don’t know whose to believe. I don’t even know where should I go for a talk because my friends and our friends–they don’t feel the way I do. They’re not my boyfriend nor his girlfriend. They often say to let my heart talk so I can listen to it well. Here is the problem: it doesn’t seem to talk to me any more. So, any other applicable suggestion?
I’ve never imagined love may be the most complicated thing that happen in my life. I didn’t–and never always expect my self as a cheesy girl who talk about love and broken heart every time. But, hey, turns out I have to experience it so I won’t call these things cheesy again in the future, huh?
Sleep tight, cheesy feeling. And please don’t wake up til I feel ready to face it again.


From My Dearest Alicia Keys

Even if you were a million miles away
I could still feel you in my bed
Near me, touch me, feel me

And even at the bottom of the sea
I could still hear inside my head
Telling me, touch me, feel me
And all the time, you were telling me lies

So tonight, I’m gonna find a way to make it without you
Tonight, I’m gonna find a way to make it without you
I’m gonna hold on to the times that we had
Tonight, I’m gonna find a way to make it without you

Have you ever tried sleeping with a broken heart?
Well, you could try sleeping in my bed
Lonely, own me, nobody ever shut it down like you

You wore the crown
You made my body feel heaven bound
Why don’t you hold me, need me?
I thought you told me you’d never leave me

Looking in the sky, I can see your face
And then I know right where I fit in
Take me, make me, you know that I’ll always be in love with you
Right till the end

So tonight, I’m gonna find a way to make it without you
Tonight, I’m gonna find a way to make it without you
I’m gonna hold on to the times that we had
Tonight, I’m gonna find a way to make it without you

Anybody could’ve told you right from the start it’s ’bout to fall apart
So rather than hold on to a broken dream, I’ll just hold on to love
And I can find a way to make it, don’t hold on too tight
I’ll make it without you tonight

So tonight, I’m gonna find a way to make it without you
Tonight, I’m gonna find a way to make it without you
I’m gonna hold on to the times that we had
Tonight, I’m gonna find a way to make it without you


Bubbling, Saturday Night

Halo, ingin sekali aku menyapamu malam ini.

Mengatakan sapaan baik dan menanyakan kabar,

kemudian menyampaikan:

“Wanita yang baik akan menentukan keputusan yang baik pula. Dia tidak akan memilih antara 2 pria, berdiri dan bertahan dalam kenyamanan sesaat, memilih untuk berusaha berperasaan netral pada kamu sedangkan di lain hari dia seolah-olah berperasaan netral pada pria yang lain itu. Terlebih lagi, bagian yang paling parahnya, wanita itu tidak akan berdiri di antara kamu dan teman baikku. Dia tidak akan serusuh itu pada orang-orang terdekatku.”

Percaya, deh, aku tahu itu hak kamu untuk menentukan siapa selanjutnya yang menjadi bagian dari hidupmu. Tapi kamu bukan laki-laki seperti itu. Gak cocok. Ya salah sendiri sih mulai deketin duluan. Tapi, ya, sudahlah. Jangan diterusin. Unless you want to ruin other’s relationship. My buddy’s relationship.

Gak semudah itu untuk gak peduli sama kamu. We’re all lost stars trying to light the dark. I’m not trying to help you to light the dark. I am your light in the dark, unfortunately.

Kata orang sih.